I'm fat....happy now?
Well, it's no secret that I'm almost 7 months pregnant now and look like I swallowed a watermelon whole. I can't see my feet and at this moment am not sure if I have on matching socks and don't care. I'm having a boy, which as most "old wives tells" would say, that means I'm showing on my backside as well......This is a gross understatement for the supersized trunkload I'm lugging behind me. No one really tells you many "truths" about pregnancy. Don't get me wrong, so far this has been one of the most love-filled and happy times of my life, but there are some darn funny things about being prego that no one fills you in on prior to signing up. SO for all of you future child bearers, here's some incentive to put it off just a little longer....
Beware!!! I'm going to be graphic
1.) That "glow" they talk about is because oil is seeping from every pore in your body.
2.) There is no such thing as morning sickness....it's a slow and constant feeling of needing to barf but often no way of releaving that feeling....soon you begin to beg for vomit.
3.) Forget getting to crap...it's not going to happen, at least not easily...I said I look like I swallowed a watermelon whole when I need to go to the bathroom it feels liek it's trying come out the same way.
4.) Gas is no longer stuff you put in your car.
5.) Food you love you hate...food you hate you love...and at times you will look at road kill like you once looked at Taco Bell, simply because their is no limit or end to your constant hunger.
6.) You will...at least once...pee on yourself........you'll see.
7.) Crying isn't an option....not when yelling is more effective. Anger control is difficult get used to saying your sorry.... A LOT.
8.) Perfume smells like cat pee no matter how much it costs.
9.) thongs are NOT your friend!!! Trust me you don't want anything going up that crack...there is no telling if it'll ever come out again.
10.) Standing in the shower is not realistic...you can't reach the lower half of your body when your dry...adding water doesn't make it easier...just sit down and save the effort for putting on your shoes.
11.) Fashion means nothing, sweats are your new best friend, those designer jeans you once loved are now your worst enemy.
12.) Hemmeroids are no joke...they're real and they hurt, another reason to give up on the thongs.
13.) Sleep? HA! you can't sleep on your side, the baby will lay on your bladder and peeing every 10 mins makes for crappy sleep, not on your stomach either for obviouse reasons. Your back you say? Not when you've got a 20 pound boulder where your tummy used to be....
Well...this is just a taste of the daily folies of pregnancy. The list continues....I swear. I just don't want to scare you into celebacy altogether.
Beware!!! I'm going to be graphic
1.) That "glow" they talk about is because oil is seeping from every pore in your body.
2.) There is no such thing as morning sickness....it's a slow and constant feeling of needing to barf but often no way of releaving that feeling....soon you begin to beg for vomit.
3.) Forget getting to crap...it's not going to happen, at least not easily...I said I look like I swallowed a watermelon whole when I need to go to the bathroom it feels liek it's trying come out the same way.
4.) Gas is no longer stuff you put in your car.
5.) Food you love you hate...food you hate you love...and at times you will look at road kill like you once looked at Taco Bell, simply because their is no limit or end to your constant hunger.
6.) You will...at least once...pee on yourself........you'll see.
7.) Crying isn't an option....not when yelling is more effective. Anger control is difficult get used to saying your sorry.... A LOT.
8.) Perfume smells like cat pee no matter how much it costs.
9.) thongs are NOT your friend!!! Trust me you don't want anything going up that crack...there is no telling if it'll ever come out again.
10.) Standing in the shower is not realistic...you can't reach the lower half of your body when your dry...adding water doesn't make it easier...just sit down and save the effort for putting on your shoes.
11.) Fashion means nothing, sweats are your new best friend, those designer jeans you once loved are now your worst enemy.
12.) Hemmeroids are no joke...they're real and they hurt, another reason to give up on the thongs.
13.) Sleep? HA! you can't sleep on your side, the baby will lay on your bladder and peeing every 10 mins makes for crappy sleep, not on your stomach either for obviouse reasons. Your back you say? Not when you've got a 20 pound boulder where your tummy used to be....
Well...this is just a taste of the daily folies of pregnancy. The list continues....I swear. I just don't want to scare you into celebacy altogether.
posted by Amber at 3:25 PM
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