Fighting Temptations

Today I felt it. The tightening of my chest, the sudden drop of a weight in my stomach, the rapidly growing lump in my throat....Today I felt fear, anger, frustration, all of it. I panicked at first, thinking "Oh my God, I'm totally dying, I'm letting this person get to me". I started fighting myself, my clothes, my books, my keys. I just started getting figitty all over, trying to fight the urge to pull a guilt trip on someone to control them, 'cause that's what it is really. This person didn't hurt me, didn't insult me, their day just didn't consist of MY plans. And because I can't control their day, I'm flipping out. What's the problem with someone changing thier Own plans? "Is that a bad thing? NO. Should this individuals plans effect if I accomplish what I planned today? NO. Then why am I doing this? Why do I feel this way?" Oh yeah, I'm an addict. I don't have control, God is in control. My chest felt tight even as I apologized for my behavior. I walked away feeling ashamed and disappointed. Today is ONE DAY. Just one day, tomorrow is a new one. I pray daily, I thank God for the victories and ask him for guidance and strength for the trials. I cannot Fight temptation, I can only Flee it. I cannot set myself up for failure and expect to succeed. I MUST place my faith in God and avoid my drug. I can do it, you can do it.

Shadow of Me

I pray. Breathing unconsciously, I pray. Alone in my room, I got down on my knees and had one of those heartfelt, tearful, tired when you get done prayers. I needed it. I lay ALL things down before my God. I stood up afterward and gazed at a picture of myself, taken only a year ago. I realized at that moment that by the Grace of God I was different then That girl. I was learning, growing more everyday striving to seek God's will for my life instead of seeking my own. I was not tied to an unhappy relationship built on dependency and selfishness. I now seek a new relationship, one with my Christ and Savior. I hope to next year look at a picture of myself today and see a mere shadow of what I have become. I hope to look at that picture and say today I am better then who I was yesterday and tomorrow I'll be better still, and it's all due to the glorious Grace of God.


Go To HIM.